One Week Later

I suppose I didn’t really update my blog after last week’s appointment. The 13-week sonogram revealed a still-healthy baby and a still-bleeding mama. “Subchorionic hemorrhage” seems to be the diagnosis that best fits the bill. That fancy terminology essentially means that there is an area of bleeding between the membrane surrounding the baby and the womb wall. The newest sonogram showed this area of bleeding had nearly quadrupled in size. It wasn’t news I was thrilled to receive, but my doctor assured me it wasn’t necessarily surprising or dooming. We continue to wait, rest, hope and see.

Vivid dreaming has continued for me, but Jesus has been rocking these dreams as of late. In one dream last week, I prayed and Kate was healed after she nearly choked to death at church. Others looked on in surprise when I carried my perfectly healthy toddler away from the nursery, but I remember not being surprised at all. With Kate Kate on my hip, I flat told one of the workers, “Jesus has got this. She’s not dying on my watch.” Last night, Jesus answered prayers to save my dad and me from a zombie virus (like what I’m assuming takes place in World War Z, although I’ve never seen the movie). That was interesting, to say the least. My confidence in these dreams has stood in stark contrast to dreams of my youth when I’d call upon the Lord and He’d leave me unanswered, unaided. Now, night after night, Jesus has been coming through like a champ, and I love it.

I think more than anything, this speaks volumes to my growing faith in this time of trouble. I’m still not out of the woods with this pregnancy; I’m still bleeding some and have another six months until this baby is officially due. Doubts do still roll through my head from time to time, and yet, I feel okay about things. I get bored sometimes sitting in the quiet by myself, but I don’t agonize over the outcome of all of this. Deep down, I have that same sense I expressed to the nursery worker in my dream, “Jesus has got this.”

Too often, I have gone through trials only to see God's hand when I look back on those situations in hindsight. My prayer this time is to see his hand in the midst of it all because, ultimately, I know it is here. That faith continues to grow.

I will admit that bed rest has done some fairly interesting things to me, however. I can see, for instance, that it is slowly trying to strip me of my sense of decency. It’s hard to worry about personal appearance and care when I spend the vast majority of my time horizontal on the living room couch. Late last week, in the quiet hours lounging with my laptop, I found myself contemplating buying a QVC comfort bra, chopping off my hair, and asking for Pajama Jeans for Christmas. Fortunately, I have a few shreds of dignity left and was able to push those thoughts out of my head.

To my credit, I have stopped Googling a million random articles about bed rest and my subchorionic hemorrhage, as well. Too much time spent on the internet is bad news…very bad news…

I report back to my doctor late tomorrow afternoon. I’m not sure what the plan of action is, exactly. I know they will try to find little squirt’s heartbeat, but I don’t know much else.

I suppose there will be more to report in the near future.