Rock Fish: Life at Home

Having Joel home has brought multitasking to a whole new level for me. I remember feeling overwhelmed when Anna was born as I tried to figure out the logistics of taking a shower while having a newborn in my care. I figured it out. When Kate came, I figured out how not only to shower but make a successful grocery trip with two little souls. And the beauty of motherhood and God’s grace is that with three kids at home now, I’m figuring out that juggling act, too. Not to say that it’s always pretty…

There are moments in which I am eating breakfast while simultaneously bottling Joel, pumping, and trying to entertain Kate with books while Anna watches cartoons in the other room. Sometimes it works. Sometimes Kate sneaks off and hijacks Joel’s pacifiers before finding a marker and taking it to the dining room wall. Sometimes, Anna isn’t actually watching cartoons at all but is, instead, downstairs “cleaning” her plastic roller coaster with a half bottle of Febreeze and an obscene amount of paper towels. Sometimes, I miss my target window of burping Joel and he launches half a bottle of milk all over us both so that we require wardrobe changes before our day can move forward. Sometimes… I think you get it.

I must confess that I am only in charge of all 3 munchkins by myself for relatively short windows of time right now (like half a day at most). As we adjust to Joel and all his doctor appointments (and lack of sleep), we have opted to keep taking the girls to daycare 4 days each week where they are loved and taught and entertained. This way, Joel and I are free to be where we need to be when we need to be there, be that in bed resting or making an impromptu visit to the medical supply office for an apnea monitor download. This has also made the shift to life with 3 a more gradual one and has allowed me to keep most of my hair (although the poor judgment that can come with sleep deprivation led me to attempt to cut it by myself again...with semi-dull scissors...I need to schedule an appointment with a professional stylist so I can take my hair out of its bun more than once a week…).

Change is change, and there are always hiccups that accompany change. My attitude has been crummy on occasion, my family has gotten far less than my best on more than one occasion, and we aren’t completely settled yet. However, I find myself reeling less this time around than I did with the homecoming of either of the girls, and my heart remains so praise-filled for the people in my life--big and small--and for all God has done and continues to do.

My girls seem to be adjusting pretty well to life with Joel home, too. The first week he was here was the hardest. My bedtime champion Kate decided that she needed to be rocked, read to, and sang to for 45 minutes each night before bed (and she’d still scream herself to sleep). She got more aggressive at school and would make the comment, “No baby Joel home!” My fierce, independent Anna was curling up in my lap, pleading to be held and wishing she didn’t have to be the biggest one. She started having nightmares about a “rock fish” that she feared would come into her room and bite her. Upon further investigation, the “rock fish” was a cute, friendly cartoon parrotfish with a British accent from an episode of Disney’s Octonauts. I was beyond baffled. Here’s the fish beside one of the Octonauts. See what I mean? What the heck?!

After a handful of days, though, the girls settled. Kate is once again going to bed and sleeping well. Anna is back to calling the shots (or attempting to do so) and is loving life in her new princess bedroom in the basement.

Anna and the whole “rock fish” thing has stuck with me. I’m glad we’re past that, but still. It’s kind of funny now, but it’s also a reminder to me how easily small things become big, scary things in the middle of life changes (and not just for Anna).

As for Joel, we are still trying to figure out if he is gaining enough weight quickly enough. The scale at my doctor’s office only goes down to 0.2 lb increments (3.25 oz), so if he doesn’t gain 3-4 ounces between visits, it doesn’t appear that he has gained weight at all. Frustrated, I bought my own baby scale that is accurate down to half an ounce. Brian laughed and asked me what I planned to do with it once we no longer need it for Joel. I told him I didn’t know (or care). Maybe I’ll raise tomatoes and sell them by the pound. Or sell it on craigslist. Or something. Or nothing. Whatever.

My scale says that Joel is now 5 pounds, 7 ounces and that he gained at least 7 ounces in 9 days. I don’t think that weight gain is stellar, but I don’t think it’s awful, either. I suppose time will tell. Joel is also on the anemic side of things again. His hemoglobin at the doctor on Monday was 9.8 the first time they tested and 10.2 the second. We have a follow-up appointment tomorrow to talk weight, hernia, and anemia. I am in a better place now than I was on Monday when I felt like report I was given about poor weight gain, increased apnea spells and low red blood cell counts sucked the life force right out of me. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

With Joel, I continue to learn patience as well as gratitude. As his due date approaches, the fact that he is still small and isn’t acting like a “normal” newborn yet can be discouraging to me if I allow it to be. When I shine God’s light on the situation, though, things change. I am blessed to hold my tiny miracle boy, and Mighty Mouse owes me nothing. He doesn’t have to be a certain weight at a certain time or leap tall buildings in a single bound. Yes, I want to see him thriving and growing, but I need to keep my expectations in check and keep this baby wrapped up in prayer. God is the best pediatrician and caregiver Joel has.

I suppose, if I were a smart person, I would stop rambling here and close my eyes while I have a chance. The itty bitty person in my life will be awake soon making great big noise in demand of food.

On that note, good night, all.